So Today, I have had just an epic fail kind of day. Nothing major, just little annoyances of which the culmination was my microwaveable soup practically doing a back flip 2 minutes in to its heating time and exploding in the microwave in a tomatoey alphabetty tsunami.
as i sat down with my now hot but slightly less than full alphabet soup, i sighed and said to myself, "somebody thinks my life is funny today".
I spooned out a mouthful and looked down to see that my soup spelled
"HA"
wish i'd had a camera. this for real happened.
3 blessings:
that i have soup
that i have a job
that i have friends
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
98 blogs of text on the wall...98 bottles of text....
Write one more and put it up next and there will be 99 blogs of text on the walll....
ahahahahahahahahaha I am hilarious.
Actually, not. This week has blown goats, let me tell you. Yes, that's right. I said it, blown.goats. We have been super busy at work which is...fine, but abnormal for this time of year. We usually do not see students SO much before the quarter starts. I don't know if it's because we're a little short staffed since we have 2 new people who are not quite yet seeing students full time or what, it just seems like 8-5 goes by in a blink and I barely have time to breathe. I usually don't mind the busyness as I really love meeting with the students, but this week I have just had some doozies. I'm kind of unraveled from listening to their complicated issues. It boggles my mind how an 18 year old can have SO MUCH going ON. In addition to the craziness, one of my favorite colleagues left to go to another university...today was her last day and it was just kind of sad. She was the person in the office who was always willing to just shoot the breeze and take a 5 minute break with me to just be...goofy, y'know? Look at other people's wedding pictures or look at bridal magazines since she's HOPEFULLY getting engaged soon. I'll miss her and a little bit of the 'glitter and sparkle' left the office when she closed her office door that one last time. We werent really friends outside of work, I'm not really friends with anyone outside of work...it's just not how life works out with me really. But we were friends AT work. *Sigh* Life goes on, and I know we'll keep in touch, she's moving up by P's hometown so when P and I go up I'll give her a call. It's just...I don't like change and our little office has had quite enough of it. We need a couple months of sedentary life to regroup.
On the other hand, my absolute favorite time of year is fast approaching. On Monday the students will officially be on campus. They will have moved into their new residence halls and apartments and will be starting a new year at Ohio State. For many, fall signifies the beginning of the end...end of summer, end of life. For me, it's always been the rebirth. The new freshmen come in, people are energized and ready for the next step in their lives. They've had summer break and reconnected with their families and their high school friends and they're ready to come back and see everyone from their "other life" that they missed. Football season is in session and people are decked out in scarlet and grey no matter what day of the week it is. The air is crisp and cool and the leaves start to change. Campus is gorgeous in the fall. It's vibrant and just so alive. It's easily the BEST thing about working on campus.
I have hopes for this year...I hope that the swine flu pandemic doesn't affect us too much because outbreaks on campus are frightening no matter whether it's a bed bug or a bacteria. These are people's babies and they are trusting us to keep them safe and healthy. It's frightening when you think how fragile the 'ecosystem' of a college campus is. I hope that we go another year without any on campus tragedies, we have been lucky. I hope that the new freshmen love the university as much as I do and that they find their true calling while they are in our program and that I can help them find their way there. I hope that I can maintain my enthusiasm and love for my job so that I can serve the students to the best of my abilities. They are young, and though they are bright and independent, they need advisors and personnel on campus that love their jobs and are dedicated to doing their jobs 100%. They may drive me crazy on a regular basis...but they still need help.
3 blessings:
my friend llama is starting to heal after the tragic loss of her grandmother
my friend chuckface is strong beyond her own knowledge and she will be okay when her husband deploys for the middle east, i know her strength even if she's unsure
my husband who continually supports me and cheers me on every single day no matter how grumpy i am and how down i get, he is truly my heart and soul.
ahahahahahahahahaha I am hilarious.
Actually, not. This week has blown goats, let me tell you. Yes, that's right. I said it, blown.goats. We have been super busy at work which is...fine, but abnormal for this time of year. We usually do not see students SO much before the quarter starts. I don't know if it's because we're a little short staffed since we have 2 new people who are not quite yet seeing students full time or what, it just seems like 8-5 goes by in a blink and I barely have time to breathe. I usually don't mind the busyness as I really love meeting with the students, but this week I have just had some doozies. I'm kind of unraveled from listening to their complicated issues. It boggles my mind how an 18 year old can have SO MUCH going ON. In addition to the craziness, one of my favorite colleagues left to go to another university...today was her last day and it was just kind of sad. She was the person in the office who was always willing to just shoot the breeze and take a 5 minute break with me to just be...goofy, y'know? Look at other people's wedding pictures or look at bridal magazines since she's HOPEFULLY getting engaged soon. I'll miss her and a little bit of the 'glitter and sparkle' left the office when she closed her office door that one last time. We werent really friends outside of work, I'm not really friends with anyone outside of work...it's just not how life works out with me really. But we were friends AT work. *Sigh* Life goes on, and I know we'll keep in touch, she's moving up by P's hometown so when P and I go up I'll give her a call. It's just...I don't like change and our little office has had quite enough of it. We need a couple months of sedentary life to regroup.
On the other hand, my absolute favorite time of year is fast approaching. On Monday the students will officially be on campus. They will have moved into their new residence halls and apartments and will be starting a new year at Ohio State. For many, fall signifies the beginning of the end...end of summer, end of life. For me, it's always been the rebirth. The new freshmen come in, people are energized and ready for the next step in their lives. They've had summer break and reconnected with their families and their high school friends and they're ready to come back and see everyone from their "other life" that they missed. Football season is in session and people are decked out in scarlet and grey no matter what day of the week it is. The air is crisp and cool and the leaves start to change. Campus is gorgeous in the fall. It's vibrant and just so alive. It's easily the BEST thing about working on campus.
I have hopes for this year...I hope that the swine flu pandemic doesn't affect us too much because outbreaks on campus are frightening no matter whether it's a bed bug or a bacteria. These are people's babies and they are trusting us to keep them safe and healthy. It's frightening when you think how fragile the 'ecosystem' of a college campus is. I hope that we go another year without any on campus tragedies, we have been lucky. I hope that the new freshmen love the university as much as I do and that they find their true calling while they are in our program and that I can help them find their way there. I hope that I can maintain my enthusiasm and love for my job so that I can serve the students to the best of my abilities. They are young, and though they are bright and independent, they need advisors and personnel on campus that love their jobs and are dedicated to doing their jobs 100%. They may drive me crazy on a regular basis...but they still need help.
3 blessings:
my friend llama is starting to heal after the tragic loss of her grandmother
my friend chuckface is strong beyond her own knowledge and she will be okay when her husband deploys for the middle east, i know her strength even if she's unsure
my husband who continually supports me and cheers me on every single day no matter how grumpy i am and how down i get, he is truly my heart and soul.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
i am a slow blogger
so it's my 97th post today...i really thought that i'd perhaps be past 100 by now, I think that i probably would be but there are times that i'll write a post and 'crumple it up into a ball and toss it in the trash' or as we do in the internet world...hit delete.
i'm thinking of doing a give away for my 100th post like everyone else does...but i might wait til my 113th since 13 is really my lucky number.
i have been working out with a personal trainer in the attempt to lose some of the millions of pounds that i gained over the course of the last 2 years. i have lost inches...but not much weight which is depressing. i know it's only been a month, but i kind of want it to magically fall off in one giant lump.i do enjoy that i am stronger and that the things that i could barely do when i started, i can now do much more easily.
i am looking forward to the OSU v USC game on saturday, but i'll be honest, i'm not rael hopeful. i just wish that i could wipe the smarmy smirk off pete carroll's face. ugh. he just irks me. i'm sure that he's in actuality a very nice man...but seriously dude....your quasi-richard gere look bothers me.
i really wish that i did not have to be at work today on this gorgeous gorgeous ohio day...so i'm just going to write some random fun stuff about myself for your viewing enjoyment
1. when i was a kid i would frequently pretend to be a horse with my friend elizabeth. we were always really cool horses that could talk and solve crime. my name was frequently Black Gem because we would play this game while swimming and I had a black swimsuit with little gems on it. Yes. we were horses and we lived in the water.
2. in 9th grade i had really bad allergies and they made me really cranky. the boy who had his locker next to me used to make fun of me and my allergies. one day in a fit of allergy induced rage, i waited til he bent over and then i moved the top locker door directly over his head. he stood up and nearly gave himself a concussion. i pretended like i didn't have any idea what happened. i've secretly felt guilty about this since then.
3. the same boy tried to cheat off me in health class when we were taking a quiz in which we had to label all the parts of the male reproductive system. i purposely labelled all of them wrong and waited til he turned in his paper to switch them to the right answers. i have never felt guilty about this as it's ridiculous that a BOY would have to cheat off my 9th grade blushing virgin self for the answers.
4. my personal trainer is beginning to think i'm 'special'. i have no muscle memory or coordination. he demonstrates something while facing me and it takes me at least 40 seconds to figure out how to reverse the mirror image and do it myself.
5. i have lists of words i dont like. i seriously have to restrain myself from telling people not to use some of them. or from curling my lip and saying 'ew'.
6. i could eat rice every day of the week. my favorite ways to eat rice are to saute tomatos and dump it on top of rice w/soy sauce or to steam broccoli and put it on rice with a little butter and parmesan.
7. similarly, i could eat bread with tomatos and salt every day of the week and be perfectly happy.
8. 6&7 are why i need #4.
9. my husband has 2 webbed toes on each foot and i think it's really fun to stick things in between them. blades of grass. pennies. whatever i can find.
10. i rarely, if ever, feel overwhelmed. even when i have a trillion things going on. i do not think this is healthy because i'm pretty sure it leaks out in other ways. perhaps in my obsession w/bread and rice.
11. my friend mojo mom could probably add at least 10 more weird things that i do to this list...perhaps she will leave an anonymous comment.
:-)
3 blessings:
webbed toes
gorgeous weather
my mom sent me home w/chicken salad so i wouldn't have to pack my lunch this week.
i'm thinking of doing a give away for my 100th post like everyone else does...but i might wait til my 113th since 13 is really my lucky number.
i have been working out with a personal trainer in the attempt to lose some of the millions of pounds that i gained over the course of the last 2 years. i have lost inches...but not much weight which is depressing. i know it's only been a month, but i kind of want it to magically fall off in one giant lump.i do enjoy that i am stronger and that the things that i could barely do when i started, i can now do much more easily.
i am looking forward to the OSU v USC game on saturday, but i'll be honest, i'm not rael hopeful. i just wish that i could wipe the smarmy smirk off pete carroll's face. ugh. he just irks me. i'm sure that he's in actuality a very nice man...but seriously dude....your quasi-richard gere look bothers me.
i really wish that i did not have to be at work today on this gorgeous gorgeous ohio day...so i'm just going to write some random fun stuff about myself for your viewing enjoyment
1. when i was a kid i would frequently pretend to be a horse with my friend elizabeth. we were always really cool horses that could talk and solve crime. my name was frequently Black Gem because we would play this game while swimming and I had a black swimsuit with little gems on it. Yes. we were horses and we lived in the water.
2. in 9th grade i had really bad allergies and they made me really cranky. the boy who had his locker next to me used to make fun of me and my allergies. one day in a fit of allergy induced rage, i waited til he bent over and then i moved the top locker door directly over his head. he stood up and nearly gave himself a concussion. i pretended like i didn't have any idea what happened. i've secretly felt guilty about this since then.
3. the same boy tried to cheat off me in health class when we were taking a quiz in which we had to label all the parts of the male reproductive system. i purposely labelled all of them wrong and waited til he turned in his paper to switch them to the right answers. i have never felt guilty about this as it's ridiculous that a BOY would have to cheat off my 9th grade blushing virgin self for the answers.
4. my personal trainer is beginning to think i'm 'special'. i have no muscle memory or coordination. he demonstrates something while facing me and it takes me at least 40 seconds to figure out how to reverse the mirror image and do it myself.
5. i have lists of words i dont like. i seriously have to restrain myself from telling people not to use some of them. or from curling my lip and saying 'ew'.
6. i could eat rice every day of the week. my favorite ways to eat rice are to saute tomatos and dump it on top of rice w/soy sauce or to steam broccoli and put it on rice with a little butter and parmesan.
7. similarly, i could eat bread with tomatos and salt every day of the week and be perfectly happy.
8. 6&7 are why i need #4.
9. my husband has 2 webbed toes on each foot and i think it's really fun to stick things in between them. blades of grass. pennies. whatever i can find.
10. i rarely, if ever, feel overwhelmed. even when i have a trillion things going on. i do not think this is healthy because i'm pretty sure it leaks out in other ways. perhaps in my obsession w/bread and rice.
11. my friend mojo mom could probably add at least 10 more weird things that i do to this list...perhaps she will leave an anonymous comment.
:-)
3 blessings:
webbed toes
gorgeous weather
my mom sent me home w/chicken salad so i wouldn't have to pack my lunch this week.
Friday, August 28, 2009
greetings dahlings
'Twas the best of times....'Twas the worst of times.
Well, perhaps I should say 'twas the okay-est of times was the grossest of times...
The last couple weeks have been kind of "meh". P and i have been driving to Dayton on a weekendly basis to paint my parents' deck and sand my parents' deck and spray wasps and kill them on my parents' deck and run screaming from the wasps and make my brave strong husband kill them on my parents' deck...not necessarily in that order.
The screaming might have been first.
The parents remain in England though they are returning on Monday. The Pig is back at school where she turned 21 but due to her sororities rules about RUSH she is not allowed to drink legally or illegally until September. So, it was really kind of an 'un'birthday for her.
She had the first day of her biology class today...the professor let them out early so he could go home to tend the pig he was smoking for his bbq this weekend.
Have I mentioned that she goes to school in Kentucky?
Due to the deck painting I have had aches and pains and bruises and scrapes like a 5 year old learning to rollerblade. coincidentally the Weather Gods decided to inflict a plague of ragweed on us the like of which has scarce been seen before. I take prescription drugs for this people...and yesterday, yesterday, it was like I hadn't taken anything at all. I was one constant leaky faucet of crystal clear pollen laden snot.
That's right. crystal.clear.pollen.laden.snot.
*shudder* I'm surprised it was not draining out of my ears as well.
Today, thanks to the glorious,soaking,drenching,beautiful rain that we had last night. I am back in the land of the dry and only slightly itchy. I'm hoping the drugs keep working so that I can get out to the horsebarn to see Colors...poor thing hasn't seen me for weeks.
Part of the absence from the horsebarn has been allergies, and then the other part has been because 2 nights of every week have been reserved for my new Personal Trainer. I hate him. Well, I love to hate him. I love that I'm actually seeing weight loss (5lbs in 1 month and a total of 7 inches have disappeared from various parts of my anatomy and NO i will not tell you how many inches from what parts). However, I'm pleased with this progress. I feel good about it. This is good. Also, though I loathe, despise and want to kick him in the g'nads sometimes...Personal Trainer clearly knows what he's doing and as much as I hate stepping up onto his stupid foot tall stool and kneeing a punching bag 10 times....ON EACH LEG....I guess I'm okay with the loss of inches.
Has anyone ever noticed how very very slowly Fridays go? I swear I have been here for 10 hours already. I would pay THEM to let me leave right now.
On a side note, I wrote this for a friend of mine who should know who she is when she reads this...
To have hope...
even the smallest grain of it
means that you have something
so when you feel that you have nothing
remember Hope.
To have faith
even the faintest whisper of it
means that He loves you
so when you feel that you are unloveable
remember Faith
To have friends
even far far away
means that you have someone
so when you feel that you are alone
remember me.
3 blessings:
for all the kiddies going back to school and our neighborhood being quiet in the evenings
for sunsets on the lake
for movie night with P tonight...love him.
Well, perhaps I should say 'twas the okay-est of times was the grossest of times...
The last couple weeks have been kind of "meh". P and i have been driving to Dayton on a weekendly basis to paint my parents' deck and sand my parents' deck and spray wasps and kill them on my parents' deck and run screaming from the wasps and make my brave strong husband kill them on my parents' deck...not necessarily in that order.
The screaming might have been first.
The parents remain in England though they are returning on Monday. The Pig is back at school where she turned 21 but due to her sororities rules about RUSH she is not allowed to drink legally or illegally until September. So, it was really kind of an 'un'birthday for her.
She had the first day of her biology class today...the professor let them out early so he could go home to tend the pig he was smoking for his bbq this weekend.
Have I mentioned that she goes to school in Kentucky?
Due to the deck painting I have had aches and pains and bruises and scrapes like a 5 year old learning to rollerblade. coincidentally the Weather Gods decided to inflict a plague of ragweed on us the like of which has scarce been seen before. I take prescription drugs for this people...and yesterday, yesterday, it was like I hadn't taken anything at all. I was one constant leaky faucet of crystal clear pollen laden snot.
That's right. crystal.clear.pollen.laden.snot.
*shudder* I'm surprised it was not draining out of my ears as well.
Today, thanks to the glorious,soaking,drenching,beautiful rain that we had last night. I am back in the land of the dry and only slightly itchy. I'm hoping the drugs keep working so that I can get out to the horsebarn to see Colors...poor thing hasn't seen me for weeks.
Part of the absence from the horsebarn has been allergies, and then the other part has been because 2 nights of every week have been reserved for my new Personal Trainer. I hate him. Well, I love to hate him. I love that I'm actually seeing weight loss (5lbs in 1 month and a total of 7 inches have disappeared from various parts of my anatomy and NO i will not tell you how many inches from what parts). However, I'm pleased with this progress. I feel good about it. This is good. Also, though I loathe, despise and want to kick him in the g'nads sometimes...Personal Trainer clearly knows what he's doing and as much as I hate stepping up onto his stupid foot tall stool and kneeing a punching bag 10 times....ON EACH LEG....I guess I'm okay with the loss of inches.
Has anyone ever noticed how very very slowly Fridays go? I swear I have been here for 10 hours already. I would pay THEM to let me leave right now.
On a side note, I wrote this for a friend of mine who should know who she is when she reads this...
To have hope...
even the smallest grain of it
means that you have something
so when you feel that you have nothing
remember Hope.
To have faith
even the faintest whisper of it
means that He loves you
so when you feel that you are unloveable
remember Faith
To have friends
even far far away
means that you have someone
so when you feel that you are alone
remember me.
3 blessings:
for all the kiddies going back to school and our neighborhood being quiet in the evenings
for sunsets on the lake
for movie night with P tonight...love him.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
flamly
Flamly: (n) That's what my sister and I always call our Family...it stems from her inability to pronounce the word right when she was younger.
My parents and sister have been in England since August 1st. My parents are staying there until the 31st but Pig had to come back Monday so that she can leave for school on the 21st. I picked her up from the airport Monday evening and then took Tuesday off so that we could go to lunch and I could take her shopping for her 21st birthday present (she got some killer silver shoes and a gorgeous haircut). Monday night while P was at the gym, Pig and I sat out by the fire pit and roasted marshmallows and talked about her trip and our parents and the amusing things that they do, their habits and idiosyncracies.
I love those inside jokes that you can only have with your family. Only someone who grew up in your house gets them and laughs with you. It's a different level of understanding when you're with your family. Your friends may "get you" and they may be able to comprehend who you are...but your family, they understand. It's understanding born of shared experience, both good and bad. It's always refreshing when I get to spend time with Pig because she and I are very much alike, and despite our age difference (I'm the big sister by 10 years) have SO much fun together.
Often, even with my best friends, I feel like I have to worry about whether they understand where I'm coming from. I feel like I worry alot about whether they interpet what I say a certain way, or that they're looking for a subtext that isn't there. I check myself before I say things and I second guess myself when I do say something because I've always felt awkward, like people are prone to misinterpreting me. It's a huge challenge for me because at heart I want nothing more than to just say "look, this is how it is." and be 100% straightfoward and upfront with people. But the thing is...when you do that, people get mad. And I hate, hate, hate, having to run around and try to make amends for something that I didn't even say or mean..they just interpreted. Oh, I know that I'm at fault here too... I do know that at times I can be insensitive. At times, I can be too blunt and too impatient and too sarcastic...but not all the time. Not most of the time. I mean the kind of thing where I'll put up a facebook status and I get 5 individual messages asking if it was directed at friend a, b, or c.... when really, I was just quoting a line from a movie or a song.
Family's different...there's no awkward second guessing of what you can say. You can lay your feelings on the table,bare for them to see and they don't look for anything that's not there. Perhaps I shouldn't generalize and say 'family', perhaps I should just say "sisters". Lord knows, my mom looks for what's not there :-). But that's what makes her Mom.
Sisters, Family...they know you. They know what you're trying to say, they know the feeling behind what you've said. I know that not every family is like that...and I know that even my own family isn't like this 100% of the time. No one's perfect. But I do consider myself exceedingly blessed in this aspect of life. My husband and my sister, my two kindred spirits, they get me. They understand me. I'm extremely lucky in that my husband is caring enough to have taken the time when we were dating to really find out how I work, to understand my motivations, to listen to what I was trying to say and to hear the unspoken reasons behind the words. I think when you love someone, you do that...because you want to understand them the way that their families do. He's a listener and a senser, my husband. He's extraordinarily in tune to the way that I feel...he can read my face like he can read a map of our city. He knows when I'm worried, when I've had a bad day...before I ever open my mouth. People ask me all the time why P and I have such an obviously happy marriage... the easy answer is, because my husband's amazingly kind and TRULY understands me.
My dad can tell when I'm having a bad day just by how I say hello when I call home. My mom can tell when I've been crying from 60 miles away. My sister knows that when I say I'm mad about A...it's really because I'm hurt by B. She knows that I don't like to be vulnerable so I get mad instead. And, she calls me on it. Lucky...so Lucky.
I laugh alot with my family. To the point where I cry I am laughing so hard...I love that SO much. It's that kind of laughter where you're not worried about whether you're going to snort because they'll all snort with you. It's unfettered and free. It's easy and comfortable like that broken down sweatshirt that you got your freshman year in college and just can't part with. Man do i love that faded scarlet hoodie.
Do you readers ever feel that way with your friends? Being totally completely relaxed and comfortable without ever having to second guess what you say? Or are you like me...do you mostly feel that with your immediate family? I dont know why this was on my mind so much this morning...I think, it's just because when I spend time with P and pig, the next day, I realize how very relaxed I am and how much fun I had. With Pig being in college, and my parents being in Dayton , it's easy to forget how amazing they are, and how comfortable I am with them...and then I'm reminded and it sticks out in my mind. Anyone who reads this blog knows how much I love my friends and consider them blessings in my life, but anyone who reads this blog also knows how much I struggle with feeling like I dont fully fit in with anyone but my family and my husband and my horse. It's the paranoid introverted nerdy little girl inside my head poking and prodding and saying "what if they don't REALLY like you...." So that's why I asked how you all feel with your friends...be honest. Do you check yourself too?
check: (v) to make a sudden stop; pause: The horse checked before he jumped.
to restrain; hold in restraint or control: They built a high wall to check the tides.
3 Blessings:
Being accepted for who I am
My friends whom I do love so very much
My flamly
My parents and sister have been in England since August 1st. My parents are staying there until the 31st but Pig had to come back Monday so that she can leave for school on the 21st. I picked her up from the airport Monday evening and then took Tuesday off so that we could go to lunch and I could take her shopping for her 21st birthday present (she got some killer silver shoes and a gorgeous haircut). Monday night while P was at the gym, Pig and I sat out by the fire pit and roasted marshmallows and talked about her trip and our parents and the amusing things that they do, their habits and idiosyncracies.
I love those inside jokes that you can only have with your family. Only someone who grew up in your house gets them and laughs with you. It's a different level of understanding when you're with your family. Your friends may "get you" and they may be able to comprehend who you are...but your family, they understand. It's understanding born of shared experience, both good and bad. It's always refreshing when I get to spend time with Pig because she and I are very much alike, and despite our age difference (I'm the big sister by 10 years) have SO much fun together.
Often, even with my best friends, I feel like I have to worry about whether they understand where I'm coming from. I feel like I worry alot about whether they interpet what I say a certain way, or that they're looking for a subtext that isn't there. I check myself before I say things and I second guess myself when I do say something because I've always felt awkward, like people are prone to misinterpreting me. It's a huge challenge for me because at heart I want nothing more than to just say "look, this is how it is." and be 100% straightfoward and upfront with people. But the thing is...when you do that, people get mad. And I hate, hate, hate, having to run around and try to make amends for something that I didn't even say or mean..they just interpreted. Oh, I know that I'm at fault here too... I do know that at times I can be insensitive. At times, I can be too blunt and too impatient and too sarcastic...but not all the time. Not most of the time. I mean the kind of thing where I'll put up a facebook status and I get 5 individual messages asking if it was directed at friend a, b, or c.... when really, I was just quoting a line from a movie or a song.
Family's different...there's no awkward second guessing of what you can say. You can lay your feelings on the table,bare for them to see and they don't look for anything that's not there. Perhaps I shouldn't generalize and say 'family', perhaps I should just say "sisters". Lord knows, my mom looks for what's not there :-). But that's what makes her Mom.
Sisters, Family...they know you. They know what you're trying to say, they know the feeling behind what you've said. I know that not every family is like that...and I know that even my own family isn't like this 100% of the time. No one's perfect. But I do consider myself exceedingly blessed in this aspect of life. My husband and my sister, my two kindred spirits, they get me. They understand me. I'm extremely lucky in that my husband is caring enough to have taken the time when we were dating to really find out how I work, to understand my motivations, to listen to what I was trying to say and to hear the unspoken reasons behind the words. I think when you love someone, you do that...because you want to understand them the way that their families do. He's a listener and a senser, my husband. He's extraordinarily in tune to the way that I feel...he can read my face like he can read a map of our city. He knows when I'm worried, when I've had a bad day...before I ever open my mouth. People ask me all the time why P and I have such an obviously happy marriage... the easy answer is, because my husband's amazingly kind and TRULY understands me.
My dad can tell when I'm having a bad day just by how I say hello when I call home. My mom can tell when I've been crying from 60 miles away. My sister knows that when I say I'm mad about A...it's really because I'm hurt by B. She knows that I don't like to be vulnerable so I get mad instead. And, she calls me on it. Lucky...so Lucky.
I laugh alot with my family. To the point where I cry I am laughing so hard...I love that SO much. It's that kind of laughter where you're not worried about whether you're going to snort because they'll all snort with you. It's unfettered and free. It's easy and comfortable like that broken down sweatshirt that you got your freshman year in college and just can't part with. Man do i love that faded scarlet hoodie.
Do you readers ever feel that way with your friends? Being totally completely relaxed and comfortable without ever having to second guess what you say? Or are you like me...do you mostly feel that with your immediate family? I dont know why this was on my mind so much this morning...I think, it's just because when I spend time with P and pig, the next day, I realize how very relaxed I am and how much fun I had. With Pig being in college, and my parents being in Dayton , it's easy to forget how amazing they are, and how comfortable I am with them...and then I'm reminded and it sticks out in my mind. Anyone who reads this blog knows how much I love my friends and consider them blessings in my life, but anyone who reads this blog also knows how much I struggle with feeling like I dont fully fit in with anyone but my family and my husband and my horse. It's the paranoid introverted nerdy little girl inside my head poking and prodding and saying "what if they don't REALLY like you...." So that's why I asked how you all feel with your friends...be honest. Do you check yourself too?
check: (v) to make a sudden stop; pause: The horse checked before he jumped.
to restrain; hold in restraint or control: They built a high wall to check the tides.
3 Blessings:
Being accepted for who I am
My friends whom I do love so very much
My flamly
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
(In)courage
One of my favorite writers introduced me to a new website today. She is a phenomenally heartfelt and encouraging writer in her own...right. But she found this new site called (In)Courage. I think it's great. Everyone needs a little inspiration and hope in their day and this is just the place to find it. She asked, in her post, what (in)courages us...and I left her a lengthy comment that I'll use as a post for now...
My (In)couragements...
holding my husband after a long day and how he rests his hand on the small of my back.
the earthy smells of the horse barn
how no matter how much you screw up or think you are having an EPIC FAIL kind of day...dogs,cats and horses don't judge you, they accept you for yourself.
simple things like the smell of tomatoes and evergreens
thinking 'i can't do it' and finding out that 'i can..i am...i did' whether it's running a mile or being patient.
That's where i find hope...where i find love and encouragement. In those simple things.
My (In)couragements...
holding my husband after a long day and how he rests his hand on the small of my back.
the earthy smells of the horse barn
how no matter how much you screw up or think you are having an EPIC FAIL kind of day...dogs,cats and horses don't judge you, they accept you for yourself.
simple things like the smell of tomatoes and evergreens
thinking 'i can't do it' and finding out that 'i can..i am...i did' whether it's running a mile or being patient.
That's where i find hope...where i find love and encouragement. In those simple things.
Monday, July 20, 2009
are we ever really in control?
So, long time no see!
I got a little caught up in the beauty that is an Ohio summer and haven't posted anything in a while. Surprisingly, in that absence, nothing much has been going on. I have been horseback riding a few times which is amazing andwonderful and great. The horse is starting to settle down in his new barn and is creating less problems for the barn owners. He has been suprisingly good under saddle considering that I have not ridden him in years and years.
I think this shows the importance of training them well when they are young. It's not quite enough to just break them, and then hop on and hope they figure it out...you really need to have patience and teach them all the little steps in between. My cousin in England, who I admire greatly spent 2 years working with her baby horse on the GROUND before she ever sat on her back. Without patience and proper lessons....they wont ever be fully trained! So, to whomever trained Colors before I got him...thank you thank you thank you for training him carefully and diligently so that when I finally got back on him after a 4 year hiatus...he behaves like a gentleman. Ground work and patience are very very important people!
Don't you think the same could be said for many aspects of our lives? I mean think about it. Before you enter into a marriage....you have to do the groundwork first. Just like you have to teach a young horse what "whoa" means. You have to learn your partners limits and needs. Before you enter into a long term friendship...you have to figure out just where you can rely on her and just how she needs to rely on you. With your children, you have to decide what rules you will have total control of and what rules are up for negotiation, you have to be able to say 'baby's ready to fly' and let go, but you have to know when it's okay to do that. With your family, you have to learn to trust them, but also to know that sometimes there are going to be rough patches that you have to forgive and learn from.
With horses, you're never fully in control. A horse doesnt submit to what you want him to do because he's totally domesticated. Watch horses in a field sometime. You'll get it, you aren't in control. They let you ride them because they want to please you, because they trust that you're not going to hurt them. Similarly, a well trained horse will look out for you on a trail ride. The lady who owns the barn I'm boarding Colors at has this horse named Baron. He is "the boss" in the field and when you're on the ground next to him, you can just sense that he is the dominant personality. He's got just a little bit of a wild streak...but when Mel rides him on the trail...she has no fear. None, at all. Even though she is terrified of heights, she will ride him on a cliff trail with a drop off on the side with no qualms because he is brave and he will take care of his rider. Similarly, he knows that she will never ask him to go anywhere that could be dangerous to either of them. He trusts her too. She has spent a lot of time developing that relationship with him.
I guess my point is...we don't control our marriages, our families, our friends, any more than we control a wild creature. They do what we ask because we have mutual respect, because we have understanding. They do what we ask because we take the time to lay down the groundwork...to say "this is where I won't budge, can't compromise, this is when you have to do what I need you to." We take the time to listen to them too...to understand that perhaps they're afraid to go through that last gate, or over that last jump, and we let them face it head on, and give them reassurance that it WILL be okay, and we don't force them into it with no concern for their fears. We LISTEN to what they're saying to us, and they in turn listen to our subltest signals. When I ride Colors, I watch his ears...they're constantly swiveling back and forth to hear what's going on around him, but they also turn toward me, so that he can hear my little reassurances, my little commands. I know when he hears something scary because he'll turn his ears, then his head so he can get a better look at it. I learned to anticipate those moments and to talk him through them.
I don't think that people are so different than animals...our basic instincts are pretty much the same. We need reassurance in all aspects of our relationship. We need direction, we need to know we belong and that we can trust those we belong with. Additionally, it's a never ending process. Just because Colors seems to be doing well, doesn't mean I can just say 'it's perfect!' and quit working with him. I still need to exercise him before I ride...I still need to practice halting and backing and changing direction. We can't get complacent in our relationships with friends and loved ones....we can always challenge ourselves and eachother to grow.
So, I guess what I'm getting at is...think about your relationships, have you done the groundwork? have you earned trust? how does this make your relationships more successful? most importantly, do you have the patience to keep working on them even when they're not being the easiest "ride". Can you keep a cool head, calm hands and warm heart even when you hit the dirt? It's my goal to try that this week in all aspects of my life....family vacation to Asheville, North Carolina looms and we all know that my family, though wonderful, does not always agree on everything and is not always very nice to eachother. Cool head, calm hands, warm hearts will prevail though...I hope!
For the record, all is well in my life ;-) Just a little self reflection and analogy in general for a Monday morning.
3 Blessings:
Simple weekends with my husband
Lunches with good friends
Unconditional love from my family
This picture is of Colors the first week that he lived at his new stable. He was standing off to the side watching the rest of the horses in the herd. You could almost read his thoughts, "I want to join....can I please? Where do I fit in????"
I got a little caught up in the beauty that is an Ohio summer and haven't posted anything in a while. Surprisingly, in that absence, nothing much has been going on. I have been horseback riding a few times which is amazing andwonderful and great. The horse is starting to settle down in his new barn and is creating less problems for the barn owners. He has been suprisingly good under saddle considering that I have not ridden him in years and years.
I think this shows the importance of training them well when they are young. It's not quite enough to just break them, and then hop on and hope they figure it out...you really need to have patience and teach them all the little steps in between. My cousin in England, who I admire greatly spent 2 years working with her baby horse on the GROUND before she ever sat on her back. Without patience and proper lessons....they wont ever be fully trained! So, to whomever trained Colors before I got him...thank you thank you thank you for training him carefully and diligently so that when I finally got back on him after a 4 year hiatus...he behaves like a gentleman. Ground work and patience are very very important people!
Don't you think the same could be said for many aspects of our lives? I mean think about it. Before you enter into a marriage....you have to do the groundwork first. Just like you have to teach a young horse what "whoa" means. You have to learn your partners limits and needs. Before you enter into a long term friendship...you have to figure out just where you can rely on her and just how she needs to rely on you. With your children, you have to decide what rules you will have total control of and what rules are up for negotiation, you have to be able to say 'baby's ready to fly' and let go, but you have to know when it's okay to do that. With your family, you have to learn to trust them, but also to know that sometimes there are going to be rough patches that you have to forgive and learn from.
With horses, you're never fully in control. A horse doesnt submit to what you want him to do because he's totally domesticated. Watch horses in a field sometime. You'll get it, you aren't in control. They let you ride them because they want to please you, because they trust that you're not going to hurt them. Similarly, a well trained horse will look out for you on a trail ride. The lady who owns the barn I'm boarding Colors at has this horse named Baron. He is "the boss" in the field and when you're on the ground next to him, you can just sense that he is the dominant personality. He's got just a little bit of a wild streak...but when Mel rides him on the trail...she has no fear. None, at all. Even though she is terrified of heights, she will ride him on a cliff trail with a drop off on the side with no qualms because he is brave and he will take care of his rider. Similarly, he knows that she will never ask him to go anywhere that could be dangerous to either of them. He trusts her too. She has spent a lot of time developing that relationship with him.
I guess my point is...we don't control our marriages, our families, our friends, any more than we control a wild creature. They do what we ask because we have mutual respect, because we have understanding. They do what we ask because we take the time to lay down the groundwork...to say "this is where I won't budge, can't compromise, this is when you have to do what I need you to." We take the time to listen to them too...to understand that perhaps they're afraid to go through that last gate, or over that last jump, and we let them face it head on, and give them reassurance that it WILL be okay, and we don't force them into it with no concern for their fears. We LISTEN to what they're saying to us, and they in turn listen to our subltest signals. When I ride Colors, I watch his ears...they're constantly swiveling back and forth to hear what's going on around him, but they also turn toward me, so that he can hear my little reassurances, my little commands. I know when he hears something scary because he'll turn his ears, then his head so he can get a better look at it. I learned to anticipate those moments and to talk him through them.
I don't think that people are so different than animals...our basic instincts are pretty much the same. We need reassurance in all aspects of our relationship. We need direction, we need to know we belong and that we can trust those we belong with. Additionally, it's a never ending process. Just because Colors seems to be doing well, doesn't mean I can just say 'it's perfect!' and quit working with him. I still need to exercise him before I ride...I still need to practice halting and backing and changing direction. We can't get complacent in our relationships with friends and loved ones....we can always challenge ourselves and eachother to grow.
So, I guess what I'm getting at is...think about your relationships, have you done the groundwork? have you earned trust? how does this make your relationships more successful? most importantly, do you have the patience to keep working on them even when they're not being the easiest "ride". Can you keep a cool head, calm hands and warm heart even when you hit the dirt? It's my goal to try that this week in all aspects of my life....family vacation to Asheville, North Carolina looms and we all know that my family, though wonderful, does not always agree on everything and is not always very nice to eachother. Cool head, calm hands, warm hearts will prevail though...I hope!
For the record, all is well in my life ;-) Just a little self reflection and analogy in general for a Monday morning.
3 Blessings:
Simple weekends with my husband
Lunches with good friends
Unconditional love from my family
This picture is of Colors the first week that he lived at his new stable. He was standing off to the side watching the rest of the horses in the herd. You could almost read his thoughts, "I want to join....can I please? Where do I fit in????"
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