random thoughts...

It's raining. After a gorgeous, beautiful,simply wonderful weekend the advent of Monday brought with it rain, humidity and general hair frizziness causing weather. Kind of like Nature's way of saying "well, you have to go to work...so it might as well suck outside."

Weekend Recap: P and I ended up dogsitting for MojoDog since his original dog-sitters decided they could not handle him vomiting on their Pergo floor. Well, I ask you, if you allow MojoDog to eat 2 rawhide bones and consume 2 gallons of water all at once...what exactly do you THINK will happen? The Mojos are on vacation in Florida and called us in a panic thinking their dog would be roaming the streets til they got home. Like we would let that happen. Ah well, it's good for our dog to have some company. That being said, we took the dogs on a 5 mile hike and let them swim in a lake on Saturday and then Sunday we went down to Lake Hope and went kayaking...I'm crispy. Forgot the sunscreen whoops... It was a great, relaxing weekend and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Switching Gears: How do you know when you're reading someone correctly? I will be the first person to admit that my facial expressions don't always mirror what I'm internally thinking or feeling. I THINK that I've gotten a lot better at this in the last few years but, I used to have problems with people thinking that I was very cold and aloof because I didn't ever look happy or inviting... Additionally, I have always had a terrible poker face for when I think something is stupid or if I'm annoyed. I think that I'm doing a slightly better job on both counts as no one has commented on them recently...although, perhaps that just means that people are too polite to now? Well anyway, I have always been able to read people very well. I am fairly observant and can easily pick up on people's emotions and little facial cues to what they are thinking. In part, this is what makes me a good friend and a good student affairs professional...I hear what people are really saying and what they really mean. Is it any coincidence that one of my favorite new tv shows is Fox's Lie To Me? Most of the time this "talent" (hah) is fun because I usually know who is crushing on whom and when someone's hiding a good secret (like engagement or babies). Sometimes though...it's the bad stuff.
That being said...I catch people's eye rolls, their sighs and their little looks that they don't conciously know they're exhibiting fairly often. Most of the time, I just try to ignore them because despite my straight forwardness, I really dislike confronting people.I would rather be uncomfortable than make a situation worse. This unwillingness is usually a good thing because though I'm observant, I'm also a little paranoid. I will frequently assume that your eye roll or sigh is related to me or something that I've done. It's a HORRIBLE habit and frame of mind to have because I spend a lot of my time, on guard, thinking "oh gosh...is his/her mood about me? did I do something???" My parents, friends, sister, colleagues...all of them are subject to my scrutiny because I'm really afraid that I've offended, annoyed, bothered and generally pissed them off.

I know. I'm trying to learn to not take everything personally, to not assume that someone's 'aloofness' or 'eye rolls' are directed at me. Because, as I stated before...I'm the queen of those things, or at least I was in the past, so Lord knows how many people I made feel like I was annoyed with them or whatever. Karma you certainly do come around don't you? You are a b....

Anyway, I guess the point is that along with counting my blessings, I'm trying to more accurately represent how I'm really feeling and remembering that my non-verbals can be just as loud as my voice. The reason? Well, because I want people to really know where they stand with me. To know when I respect them, to know when I enjoy them. I don't want to be remembered as the girl who was "aloof" like I was in college and high school. I want to be remembered as being warm, and caring and kind. I'm not really planning on GOING anywhere...I kind of made this sound like I'm thinking of my legacy after I die... I just mean, that I want people to associate me with a good feeling rather than of questioning where they stand with me. Isn't that a better way to live? It's such an easy thing to control too...I mean, we all struggle with controlling our weight, our grey hair our age lines, our health...what about controlling the image that you leave behind?

Think about it...I'm sure you can pinpoint some people from your past that left good memories and those who left bad memories for the way that they presented themselves. I know I've got at least 4 that I could name off the top of my head. I wont though ;-)

Now I'm not saying that I'm leaving my happy introverted, hermit crab shell. That's not what I mean at all.. I love it in here, it's nice and safe and warm. But there are times when I think we can all be open and inviting and caring toward others while still maintaining our quiet, calm, and introverted nature. It's not easy for me...but I think I can do it. So, Goal: appropriately display feelings and emotions while maintaining sanity and understanding that while one has baggage and bad days ones face and actions do not have to alienate people on a regular basis. Ready Set Go. I'll work on the paranoia later. stop rolling your eyes at me! hahahah.

So anyway, that's my random thought for the week...

Blessings:
that it's raining so I don't have to raise my water bill watering my plants
fresh peaches and strawberries from the farmers market
the chicken and asparagus that is calling my name for dinner tonight.