'Twas the best of times....'Twas the worst of times.
Well, perhaps I should say 'twas the okay-est of times was the grossest of times...
The last couple weeks have been kind of "meh". P and i have been driving to Dayton on a weekendly basis to paint my parents' deck and sand my parents' deck and spray wasps and kill them on my parents' deck and run screaming from the wasps and make my brave strong husband kill them on my parents' deck...not necessarily in that order.
The screaming might have been first.
The parents remain in England though they are returning on Monday. The Pig is back at school where she turned 21 but due to her sororities rules about RUSH she is not allowed to drink legally or illegally until September. So, it was really kind of an 'un'birthday for her.
She had the first day of her biology class today...the professor let them out early so he could go home to tend the pig he was smoking for his bbq this weekend.
Have I mentioned that she goes to school in Kentucky?
Due to the deck painting I have had aches and pains and bruises and scrapes like a 5 year old learning to rollerblade. coincidentally the Weather Gods decided to inflict a plague of ragweed on us the like of which has scarce been seen before. I take prescription drugs for this people...and yesterday, yesterday, it was like I hadn't taken anything at all. I was one constant leaky faucet of crystal clear pollen laden snot.
That's right. crystal.clear.pollen.laden.snot.
*shudder* I'm surprised it was not draining out of my ears as well.
Today, thanks to the glorious,soaking,drenching,beautiful rain that we had last night. I am back in the land of the dry and only slightly itchy. I'm hoping the drugs keep working so that I can get out to the horsebarn to see Colors...poor thing hasn't seen me for weeks.
Part of the absence from the horsebarn has been allergies, and then the other part has been because 2 nights of every week have been reserved for my new Personal Trainer. I hate him. Well, I love to hate him. I love that I'm actually seeing weight loss (5lbs in 1 month and a total of 7 inches have disappeared from various parts of my anatomy and NO i will not tell you how many inches from what parts). However, I'm pleased with this progress. I feel good about it. This is good. Also, though I loathe, despise and want to kick him in the g'nads sometimes...Personal Trainer clearly knows what he's doing and as much as I hate stepping up onto his stupid foot tall stool and kneeing a punching bag 10 times....ON EACH LEG....I guess I'm okay with the loss of inches.
Has anyone ever noticed how very very slowly Fridays go? I swear I have been here for 10 hours already. I would pay THEM to let me leave right now.
On a side note, I wrote this for a friend of mine who should know who she is when she reads this...
To have hope...
even the smallest grain of it
means that you have something
so when you feel that you have nothing
remember Hope.
To have faith
even the faintest whisper of it
means that He loves you
so when you feel that you are unloveable
remember Faith
To have friends
even far far away
means that you have someone
so when you feel that you are alone
remember me.
3 blessings:
for all the kiddies going back to school and our neighborhood being quiet in the evenings
for sunsets on the lake
for movie night with P tonight...love him.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
flamly
Flamly: (n) That's what my sister and I always call our Family...it stems from her inability to pronounce the word right when she was younger.
My parents and sister have been in England since August 1st. My parents are staying there until the 31st but Pig had to come back Monday so that she can leave for school on the 21st. I picked her up from the airport Monday evening and then took Tuesday off so that we could go to lunch and I could take her shopping for her 21st birthday present (she got some killer silver shoes and a gorgeous haircut). Monday night while P was at the gym, Pig and I sat out by the fire pit and roasted marshmallows and talked about her trip and our parents and the amusing things that they do, their habits and idiosyncracies.
I love those inside jokes that you can only have with your family. Only someone who grew up in your house gets them and laughs with you. It's a different level of understanding when you're with your family. Your friends may "get you" and they may be able to comprehend who you are...but your family, they understand. It's understanding born of shared experience, both good and bad. It's always refreshing when I get to spend time with Pig because she and I are very much alike, and despite our age difference (I'm the big sister by 10 years) have SO much fun together.
Often, even with my best friends, I feel like I have to worry about whether they understand where I'm coming from. I feel like I worry alot about whether they interpet what I say a certain way, or that they're looking for a subtext that isn't there. I check myself before I say things and I second guess myself when I do say something because I've always felt awkward, like people are prone to misinterpreting me. It's a huge challenge for me because at heart I want nothing more than to just say "look, this is how it is." and be 100% straightfoward and upfront with people. But the thing is...when you do that, people get mad. And I hate, hate, hate, having to run around and try to make amends for something that I didn't even say or mean..they just interpreted. Oh, I know that I'm at fault here too... I do know that at times I can be insensitive. At times, I can be too blunt and too impatient and too sarcastic...but not all the time. Not most of the time. I mean the kind of thing where I'll put up a facebook status and I get 5 individual messages asking if it was directed at friend a, b, or c.... when really, I was just quoting a line from a movie or a song.
Family's different...there's no awkward second guessing of what you can say. You can lay your feelings on the table,bare for them to see and they don't look for anything that's not there. Perhaps I shouldn't generalize and say 'family', perhaps I should just say "sisters". Lord knows, my mom looks for what's not there :-). But that's what makes her Mom.
Sisters, Family...they know you. They know what you're trying to say, they know the feeling behind what you've said. I know that not every family is like that...and I know that even my own family isn't like this 100% of the time. No one's perfect. But I do consider myself exceedingly blessed in this aspect of life. My husband and my sister, my two kindred spirits, they get me. They understand me. I'm extremely lucky in that my husband is caring enough to have taken the time when we were dating to really find out how I work, to understand my motivations, to listen to what I was trying to say and to hear the unspoken reasons behind the words. I think when you love someone, you do that...because you want to understand them the way that their families do. He's a listener and a senser, my husband. He's extraordinarily in tune to the way that I feel...he can read my face like he can read a map of our city. He knows when I'm worried, when I've had a bad day...before I ever open my mouth. People ask me all the time why P and I have such an obviously happy marriage... the easy answer is, because my husband's amazingly kind and TRULY understands me.
My dad can tell when I'm having a bad day just by how I say hello when I call home. My mom can tell when I've been crying from 60 miles away. My sister knows that when I say I'm mad about A...it's really because I'm hurt by B. She knows that I don't like to be vulnerable so I get mad instead. And, she calls me on it. Lucky...so Lucky.
I laugh alot with my family. To the point where I cry I am laughing so hard...I love that SO much. It's that kind of laughter where you're not worried about whether you're going to snort because they'll all snort with you. It's unfettered and free. It's easy and comfortable like that broken down sweatshirt that you got your freshman year in college and just can't part with. Man do i love that faded scarlet hoodie.
Do you readers ever feel that way with your friends? Being totally completely relaxed and comfortable without ever having to second guess what you say? Or are you like me...do you mostly feel that with your immediate family? I dont know why this was on my mind so much this morning...I think, it's just because when I spend time with P and pig, the next day, I realize how very relaxed I am and how much fun I had. With Pig being in college, and my parents being in Dayton , it's easy to forget how amazing they are, and how comfortable I am with them...and then I'm reminded and it sticks out in my mind. Anyone who reads this blog knows how much I love my friends and consider them blessings in my life, but anyone who reads this blog also knows how much I struggle with feeling like I dont fully fit in with anyone but my family and my husband and my horse. It's the paranoid introverted nerdy little girl inside my head poking and prodding and saying "what if they don't REALLY like you...." So that's why I asked how you all feel with your friends...be honest. Do you check yourself too?
check: (v) to make a sudden stop; pause: The horse checked before he jumped.
to restrain; hold in restraint or control: They built a high wall to check the tides.
3 Blessings:
Being accepted for who I am
My friends whom I do love so very much
My flamly
My parents and sister have been in England since August 1st. My parents are staying there until the 31st but Pig had to come back Monday so that she can leave for school on the 21st. I picked her up from the airport Monday evening and then took Tuesday off so that we could go to lunch and I could take her shopping for her 21st birthday present (she got some killer silver shoes and a gorgeous haircut). Monday night while P was at the gym, Pig and I sat out by the fire pit and roasted marshmallows and talked about her trip and our parents and the amusing things that they do, their habits and idiosyncracies.
I love those inside jokes that you can only have with your family. Only someone who grew up in your house gets them and laughs with you. It's a different level of understanding when you're with your family. Your friends may "get you" and they may be able to comprehend who you are...but your family, they understand. It's understanding born of shared experience, both good and bad. It's always refreshing when I get to spend time with Pig because she and I are very much alike, and despite our age difference (I'm the big sister by 10 years) have SO much fun together.
Often, even with my best friends, I feel like I have to worry about whether they understand where I'm coming from. I feel like I worry alot about whether they interpet what I say a certain way, or that they're looking for a subtext that isn't there. I check myself before I say things and I second guess myself when I do say something because I've always felt awkward, like people are prone to misinterpreting me. It's a huge challenge for me because at heart I want nothing more than to just say "look, this is how it is." and be 100% straightfoward and upfront with people. But the thing is...when you do that, people get mad. And I hate, hate, hate, having to run around and try to make amends for something that I didn't even say or mean..they just interpreted. Oh, I know that I'm at fault here too... I do know that at times I can be insensitive. At times, I can be too blunt and too impatient and too sarcastic...but not all the time. Not most of the time. I mean the kind of thing where I'll put up a facebook status and I get 5 individual messages asking if it was directed at friend a, b, or c.... when really, I was just quoting a line from a movie or a song.
Family's different...there's no awkward second guessing of what you can say. You can lay your feelings on the table,bare for them to see and they don't look for anything that's not there. Perhaps I shouldn't generalize and say 'family', perhaps I should just say "sisters". Lord knows, my mom looks for what's not there :-). But that's what makes her Mom.
Sisters, Family...they know you. They know what you're trying to say, they know the feeling behind what you've said. I know that not every family is like that...and I know that even my own family isn't like this 100% of the time. No one's perfect. But I do consider myself exceedingly blessed in this aspect of life. My husband and my sister, my two kindred spirits, they get me. They understand me. I'm extremely lucky in that my husband is caring enough to have taken the time when we were dating to really find out how I work, to understand my motivations, to listen to what I was trying to say and to hear the unspoken reasons behind the words. I think when you love someone, you do that...because you want to understand them the way that their families do. He's a listener and a senser, my husband. He's extraordinarily in tune to the way that I feel...he can read my face like he can read a map of our city. He knows when I'm worried, when I've had a bad day...before I ever open my mouth. People ask me all the time why P and I have such an obviously happy marriage... the easy answer is, because my husband's amazingly kind and TRULY understands me.
My dad can tell when I'm having a bad day just by how I say hello when I call home. My mom can tell when I've been crying from 60 miles away. My sister knows that when I say I'm mad about A...it's really because I'm hurt by B. She knows that I don't like to be vulnerable so I get mad instead. And, she calls me on it. Lucky...so Lucky.
I laugh alot with my family. To the point where I cry I am laughing so hard...I love that SO much. It's that kind of laughter where you're not worried about whether you're going to snort because they'll all snort with you. It's unfettered and free. It's easy and comfortable like that broken down sweatshirt that you got your freshman year in college and just can't part with. Man do i love that faded scarlet hoodie.
Do you readers ever feel that way with your friends? Being totally completely relaxed and comfortable without ever having to second guess what you say? Or are you like me...do you mostly feel that with your immediate family? I dont know why this was on my mind so much this morning...I think, it's just because when I spend time with P and pig, the next day, I realize how very relaxed I am and how much fun I had. With Pig being in college, and my parents being in Dayton , it's easy to forget how amazing they are, and how comfortable I am with them...and then I'm reminded and it sticks out in my mind. Anyone who reads this blog knows how much I love my friends and consider them blessings in my life, but anyone who reads this blog also knows how much I struggle with feeling like I dont fully fit in with anyone but my family and my husband and my horse. It's the paranoid introverted nerdy little girl inside my head poking and prodding and saying "what if they don't REALLY like you...." So that's why I asked how you all feel with your friends...be honest. Do you check yourself too?
check: (v) to make a sudden stop; pause: The horse checked before he jumped.
to restrain; hold in restraint or control: They built a high wall to check the tides.
3 Blessings:
Being accepted for who I am
My friends whom I do love so very much
My flamly
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
(In)courage
One of my favorite writers introduced me to a new website today. She is a phenomenally heartfelt and encouraging writer in her own...right. But she found this new site called (In)Courage. I think it's great. Everyone needs a little inspiration and hope in their day and this is just the place to find it. She asked, in her post, what (in)courages us...and I left her a lengthy comment that I'll use as a post for now...
My (In)couragements...
holding my husband after a long day and how he rests his hand on the small of my back.
the earthy smells of the horse barn
how no matter how much you screw up or think you are having an EPIC FAIL kind of day...dogs,cats and horses don't judge you, they accept you for yourself.
simple things like the smell of tomatoes and evergreens
thinking 'i can't do it' and finding out that 'i can..i am...i did' whether it's running a mile or being patient.
That's where i find hope...where i find love and encouragement. In those simple things.
My (In)couragements...
holding my husband after a long day and how he rests his hand on the small of my back.
the earthy smells of the horse barn
how no matter how much you screw up or think you are having an EPIC FAIL kind of day...dogs,cats and horses don't judge you, they accept you for yourself.
simple things like the smell of tomatoes and evergreens
thinking 'i can't do it' and finding out that 'i can..i am...i did' whether it's running a mile or being patient.
That's where i find hope...where i find love and encouragement. In those simple things.
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