Sunday, June 21, 2009

a horse is a horse of course of course and

no one can talk to a horse of course
unless that horse of course of course is

the wonderful misterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ed

well. i do talk to mine... despite his not being mr.ed...but more importantly...

I GOT TO RIDE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't tell you how long it has been since a saddle was on that horse. I am SO incredibly excited. We didn't do much but walk in a circle in the round pen. but OH MY GOSH. it was incredible.

now....if only i could get him to stop freaking out when the other horses leave their stalls and he's left alone.

anyone got suggestions?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

ann ominous and the week from helllllll

i make it a rule absolutely not to blog about "real work"

I may blog about stupid things my students say

Or how awesome I think my coworkers are...

but I can't say what I really want to right now

which is...this week was the week from hell and I really hope that my work place returns to it's usual state of happiness, glitter and rainbow sprinkles.

it's been very sad :-(

3 blessings:
that i still have a job
that those of us who work here are strong people
that we will adapt.

Monday, June 8, 2009

random thoughts...

It's raining. After a gorgeous, beautiful,simply wonderful weekend the advent of Monday brought with it rain, humidity and general hair frizziness causing weather. Kind of like Nature's way of saying "well, you have to go to it might as well suck outside."

Weekend Recap: P and I ended up dogsitting for MojoDog since his original dog-sitters decided they could not handle him vomiting on their Pergo floor. Well, I ask you, if you allow MojoDog to eat 2 rawhide bones and consume 2 gallons of water all at once...what exactly do you THINK will happen? The Mojos are on vacation in Florida and called us in a panic thinking their dog would be roaming the streets til they got home. Like we would let that happen. Ah well, it's good for our dog to have some company. That being said, we took the dogs on a 5 mile hike and let them swim in a lake on Saturday and then Sunday we went down to Lake Hope and went kayaking...I'm crispy. Forgot the sunscreen whoops... It was a great, relaxing weekend and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Switching Gears: How do you know when you're reading someone correctly? I will be the first person to admit that my facial expressions don't always mirror what I'm internally thinking or feeling. I THINK that I've gotten a lot better at this in the last few years but, I used to have problems with people thinking that I was very cold and aloof because I didn't ever look happy or inviting... Additionally, I have always had a terrible poker face for when I think something is stupid or if I'm annoyed. I think that I'm doing a slightly better job on both counts as no one has commented on them recently...although, perhaps that just means that people are too polite to now? Well anyway, I have always been able to read people very well. I am fairly observant and can easily pick up on people's emotions and little facial cues to what they are thinking. In part, this is what makes me a good friend and a good student affairs professional...I hear what people are really saying and what they really mean. Is it any coincidence that one of my favorite new tv shows is Fox's Lie To Me? Most of the time this "talent" (hah) is fun because I usually know who is crushing on whom and when someone's hiding a good secret (like engagement or babies). Sometimes's the bad stuff.
That being said...I catch people's eye rolls, their sighs and their little looks that they don't conciously know they're exhibiting fairly often. Most of the time, I just try to ignore them because despite my straight forwardness, I really dislike confronting people.I would rather be uncomfortable than make a situation worse. This unwillingness is usually a good thing because though I'm observant, I'm also a little paranoid. I will frequently assume that your eye roll or sigh is related to me or something that I've done. It's a HORRIBLE habit and frame of mind to have because I spend a lot of my time, on guard, thinking "oh his/her mood about me? did I do something???" My parents, friends, sister, colleagues...all of them are subject to my scrutiny because I'm really afraid that I've offended, annoyed, bothered and generally pissed them off.

I know. I'm trying to learn to not take everything personally, to not assume that someone's 'aloofness' or 'eye rolls' are directed at me. Because, as I stated before...I'm the queen of those things, or at least I was in the past, so Lord knows how many people I made feel like I was annoyed with them or whatever. Karma you certainly do come around don't you? You are a b....

Anyway, I guess the point is that along with counting my blessings, I'm trying to more accurately represent how I'm really feeling and remembering that my non-verbals can be just as loud as my voice. The reason? Well, because I want people to really know where they stand with me. To know when I respect them, to know when I enjoy them. I don't want to be remembered as the girl who was "aloof" like I was in college and high school. I want to be remembered as being warm, and caring and kind. I'm not really planning on GOING anywhere...I kind of made this sound like I'm thinking of my legacy after I die... I just mean, that I want people to associate me with a good feeling rather than of questioning where they stand with me. Isn't that a better way to live? It's such an easy thing to control too...I mean, we all struggle with controlling our weight, our grey hair our age lines, our health...what about controlling the image that you leave behind?

Think about it...I'm sure you can pinpoint some people from your past that left good memories and those who left bad memories for the way that they presented themselves. I know I've got at least 4 that I could name off the top of my head. I wont though ;-)

Now I'm not saying that I'm leaving my happy introverted, hermit crab shell. That's not what I mean at all.. I love it in here, it's nice and safe and warm. But there are times when I think we can all be open and inviting and caring toward others while still maintaining our quiet, calm, and introverted nature. It's not easy for me...but I think I can do it. So, Goal: appropriately display feelings and emotions while maintaining sanity and understanding that while one has baggage and bad days ones face and actions do not have to alienate people on a regular basis. Ready Set Go. I'll work on the paranoia later. stop rolling your eyes at me! hahahah.

So anyway, that's my random thought for the week...

that it's raining so I don't have to raise my water bill watering my plants
fresh peaches and strawberries from the farmers market
the chicken and asparagus that is calling my name for dinner tonight.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

livin for the weeeeekennnnnd

It dawned on me today as I was sitting in my chair fidgeting and wishing that it were the weekend that as of tomorrow, I will have been at this job for one year. So let's recount shall I? One year's worth of reflection on the big moments in this year...

I started this job just after my dad had heart surgery...he is doing well, though cranky as ever.
My mom has made the decision to retire and her last day is...ummm....August 1st?
My sister has successfully completed her sophomore year in college and is going to be a camp counselor at a camp for children with autism.
My husband has also completed one year at his new job and has grown and matured so much in that year, despite managing to P**** of one of the college president's by not introducing her first at a sports banquet. I maintain the arguement that her secretary told him she would not be coming and he didn't know any better really since none of the admins have ever come to anything before.
I learned to successfully (most of the time) manage my anxiety w/o medication *whoohoo!*
I stopped worrying so much about whether I fit in in my new office and have found that the women (and 2 gentlemen) that I work with are quite fantastic, wonderful and friendly...and...shock of all shocks, they actually seem to enjoy my company unlike the last crazy place where I felt like I was an alien from another planet.
My self esteem has rebounded for the most part from the afforementioned horrendous experience.
I have learned to keep count of these small blessings and to be thankful for the simple little things in life because they are what really matter.
I found that I love love love my job because of the little moments when, even though they don't say it, you know you helped a student find their way.
I refound my confidence that I'm good at my job.
I learned that I am not good at parking in parking garages.
or driving on the highway in the winter.
I learned that I have road rage for people who get to close to me on the highway in the winter.
I started caring more about the environment.
I started caring less about whether I was home alone in the evenings when P had to work.
I bought a pair of green pants.
I still get mad when people poke the tomatoes in the store and leave fingernail I'm growing my own unpoked tomatoes for the summer.
Mojokid started walking.
Mojomom realized how great a parent she is.
We bought a Prius...and a reel mower.
We planted flowers
I moved my horse to Columbus
We learned to be truly "WE" as a husband and wife team.

I think that out of all of those, family aside, the three biggest highlights are:

learning to actively count my blessings
finding that i work with a truly gifted set of colleagues who help me grow professionally and personally and helped me restore my confidence in myself as an employee and colleague.
Further cementing that P and I have a solid foundation in our marriage, that we have gotten through bad times together and he still loves me, and I still utterly adore and love him.

What are your 3 biggest highlights from June 2008 to now?


Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you. Princess Diana

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